I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Duck Duck Cougar?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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