Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
