i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Randomize
