How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
porn star boner night. come get it.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
