His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
