Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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