He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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