My room smells like vodka and shame
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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