Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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