Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
