hotel room ftw
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
