I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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