bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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