he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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