you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
