please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
