Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Come share oat with me in your robe
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
