my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Randomize
