well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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