If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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