I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
