Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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