that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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