He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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