sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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