You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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