Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
