My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
