i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I need to calm my uterus...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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