Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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