I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
