Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
