you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
