We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
