party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
