Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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