i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
