I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
