my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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