Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
