can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Randomize
