i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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