I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
