i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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