guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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