I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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