I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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