I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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