if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
