When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The struggles of a small town man whore
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
