My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
