She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
