Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
