Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
