When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
