about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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