I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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