Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
